Teamwork makes the Marriage work... most times

As I grow more into my marriage, so many things start to emerge and simply test my preconceived notions of marriage and relationships. When celebrity actor Michael Fox and his wife were asked whats the secret to their long lasting marriage, their reply was "separate bathrooms". It's funny because marriage and relationships are about spending quality time together and bonding and exploring the world holding hands and sunkissed vacations somewhere new at least once a year, right? We should be so in love that we want to spend every waking moment right next to the one we love. At least, that's what I used to think. That's how I used to feel. I remember telling my husband, right before we started seriously dating, that I look forward to waking up every morning beside him... and then we got serious pretty quickly afterwards. The following month he proposed and roughly six months later we got married.

Fast forward five years later and two pitter-pattering little boys after, we have come to understand one thing about each other after ALL these years and that one thing is this: it is the hardest thing trying to understand each other! Before we got married, the only thing we argued about was the temperature of the air conditioning in the car. Now, years later, the only thing we agree on is this simple truth of cross-understandation! If we are in the kitchen together, we can get nothing done together without one person disagreeing, misinterpreting intentions or being overly sensitive of her... I mean, the other one's tone while asking for the matches box. And the kitchen is a dangerous place to have a misunderstanding with fire and sharp objects lurking in the shadows.

Anyhow, I digress. So through it all, I have finally come to the uncanny realisation that teamwork doesn't really work best for us all the time. Perhaps on the rare occasions while we are in the view of those who think we have it all together, in order not to create a green-eyed scene. But we really do a lot of tasks more efficiently when we are not in each other's immediate space. I'm a sole believer of leaving no stone unturned until both of us get the job done, but my husband believes that if I'm already up turning the stone, what's the point of us both being up, right? That was a rhetorical question, by the way, so be careful of that silent nod you did in agreement with his abominable words. His idea of teamwork is, 'You do that and I do this. If you finish before me, it's okay to go nap while I continue to slave finishing up my job.' Oh yes.

So that's NOT my idea of teamwork and I know some people may agree with his thinking, but not this other half of him right here. So, for a peaceful life, we each have specific tasks that we usually do separately on a daily basis, especially where the kids are concerned, and everything else we are just working through to delineate the fine line between his and hers. Of course, this may not be the best approach for every marriage and may actually create tension for some, but for us, this helps us to get along much better and actually enjoy and appreciate even more, the valuable times we spend together as a family. And that is the real dream come true.

What preconceived notions have you uncovered in marriage about marriage itself and about you as a part-taker?

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1 comment

  • Kdeen

    Wow. It has truly been a learning experience. One difference I’ve had to come to grips with is differing priorities. For me, everyone and everything gets similar urgency and high importance (not necessarily a good thing), and I expected same from my partner. However, he discriminates a bit more than I’d like and admittedly procrastinates. So a request to help with a task, may get done in the next 2 hours or 2 days…but definitely, eventually…if i can wait for the uncertain eventually to ever come.

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