Sea of Forgetfulness
As mothers, we can be so hard on ourselves when we try to accomplish so many things all at once and fall short in some areas, especially where it involves our children. I was at the doctor's office a few weeks ago and she recommended that I give the boys tonic water to boost their immune system, and I would have to be consistent with it. This was after she recommended cod liver oil and I told her that we have it, but I don't always remember to give them every morning. Then I said, "Well, if I'm not consistent with cod liver oil, why would I be with the tonic water?". Then I thought to myself and asked my inner self, "Why can't I just be consistent?" Their health depends on it, right? We can't afford to be taking them to the doctor like this every second. So why can't I just get it together and remember to give them their cod liver oil every single morning after that daily sequel of fighting to get them out of bed, the fight to brush their teeth, comb their hair, wash their faces, change their diapers, put their clothes on, put their shoes on, take the umpteenth object out that little one's mouth as he plays out the great escape and I pray he doesn't swallow it again (!), part them fighting, calm the tantrum caused by a disobedient building blocks that refused to be pulled apart then change that diaper again after they do a poope right as we're ready to leave?
How could it possibly slip my mind?! How could I fail to do something so simple just once a day and stop them from getting sick so often? Then this feeling of failure just descends on me like a cloud and surrounds me until I feel like a layer of asphalt rolled into the floor. And then other setbacks or eventualities start to roll in all at once as if they were given a silent cue to enter. Maybe it's the scale that starts to show that I've lost a few pounds again from my already fraying skeleton, or I'm late for work all week again, or I make the stupidest mistake on the job and keep kicking myself in the butt about it. Or maybe it's something that I've always planned to do but never yet got around to it like my car battery that's been showing signs that something's wrong then it suddenly goes dead in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe it's a loved one that I promised to visit so many times, but I just never got around to it and then I get news that they've passed away. And life just continues to unfold as my mind spirals into a deep dark pit of things that I continue to forget that make me feel like I'm simply failing at life.
In times like these, we sometimes quickly forget all the good strides and good steps we've taken along the way and just smother in this shallow acceptance of self-pity and lowliness. It's not easy to see that these momentary setbacks or lapses in memory do not define who I am as a mother, as a wife, as a friend or as a child. These experiences do not define us any more than our successes do, anymore than our salaries do and anymore than the successes and failures of our own children do. We are products of our thought process, so we should change the direction of that thought process of failure and unleash the true potential that lies inside of us. Don't allow false acceptance of failure to fuel your state of disillusionment.
Be encouraged today to walk as children of light and pursue the greatness that has been deposited in not just some of us, but each and every one of us by our heavenly Father through the Holy Spirit. Blessings.
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