Dream On Me
Tonight I went to the theatre to watch a dance performance and a myriad of thoughts whisked through my mind as quickly as the dancers whisked around the stage. Those thoughts were centred around the fact that many moms feel like their dreams and aspirations were left for dead when they became a mother. I feel this way sometimes too, especially on nights like tonight, but I had to ask myself how true this really is?
I used to dance before I became a mother and still have dreams of getting back into it somewhat, when my boys are a bit more independent. Each time I see a dance performance on stage, I remember the fire that runs through your bones with each poetic movement. It's quite electrifying and exciting beyond words. Nonetheless, I don't think that because my obligations in life have changed means that my dreams are only that: just dreams.
Someone once told me that when you have kids, it's the beginning of the end of your life. I think they were right about one thing. It's surely the beginning of something. I prefer to call it the beginning of new beginnings and first times. The first time I would usher life into the world, the first time I would have shared responsibility of moulding character and teaching wisdom to a tiny human of me, the first time I would hear the word "mama" and it refers to me (every millionth time after!), the first time I would watch a boy grow into a man before my very eyes and embark on a journey of life of his own, make his own mistakes, face his own disappointments, celebrate his successes and deal with challenges that we can only pray we equip him well enough to handle.
I'd like to think that I have not given up my dreams per se, but my dreams have merely evolved and taken flight into another dimension of dreamland. I may not dance again anytime soon, I may not publish another book of poetry for now, I may not be able to fully explore my passion for photography at the moment, or I may not ever get back around to doing any of these. The point is that what makes me uniquely ME is not defined by whether or not I achieve any of these specific things in my life, even though the rest of the world may make me feel this way with questions such as, "So when are you going to get back to so and so?". Achieving these things would be great! And if I don't achieve them, I am no less 'me' than I was yesterday. I am still very passionate about being my best ME every single day. I am still very much after pursuing excellence and greatness in everything that I do. Being a mother doesn't mean I have chosen a dream that is any greater or lesser than my other dreams. My dreams do not define me. Someone needs to hear that. If I achieve one dream out of many and no other, I will still have achieved and remained true to myself. I hope someone finds comfort in these words. It doesn't matter the direction my life takes me, and in the words of William Henly, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul".
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